Thursday, October 1, 2009

I'm the king of the world!!

I'm a relatively big fan of the blog abovethelaw.com

Many of their posts are quite humorous. I found a recent one especially humorous and a good description of the legal profession.

From Tuesday, September 29th, by Elie Mystal:

"I’m not particularly interested in the history of the Titanic, but my cursory understanding of the tragedy tells me that there were not enough life boats for all of the passengers. That seems like a basic design flaw to me.

As clear as I can tell, current law students are suffering from a similar lack of suitable escape options."


Design flaw indeed.


As for the king of the world, I can only hope to be in the running for court jester of the world. I'm not a good writer, but I try to be funny from time to time. There are a couple of recent posts on blacksheep that I'm somewhat proud of.

After a back and forth argument on blacksheep with "Big Law Guy" including a bit about how lawyers in big law get yelled at for crappy briefs, here is post #1:

Coder Emeritus said...
You. can't. handle the truth.

Son, we live in a world with documents, and those documents need to be coded by men with mice. Who's gonna do it? You? You, BigLawyer?

I have a greater responsibility than you can possibly fathom. You weep at being yelled at for your crappy briefs and you curse the coders for their "easy" jobs. You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know: that coders jobs, while easy, probably saves you time. And my existence, while grotesque, and incomprehensible to you, saves you time.

You don't want to know the truth because deep down inside in places you don't talk about at your BigLaw dinner parties, you WANT us coding those docs. You NEED us coding those docs.

We use tags like "privileged," "hot document," and "QC complete." We use them as the backbone of a proud stint as a coding quality controller. You use them as a punchline.

I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man whose firm bills and bills for the very documents which my team codes, and then questions the speed at which they are coded. I'd rather you said "thank you," and went on your way. Otherwise, I suggest you pick up a mouse, and start coding. Either way, I don't give a damn what you think you are entitled to.
September 12, 2009 1:50 AM


Inspired by the movie A Few Good Men, that was probably my funniest moment.

I'm glad a couple of people liked it.

Anonymous said...
ok...that was good. well played.
September 12, 2009 2:03 AM

Anonymous said...
Wow, 1:50 - that may have been the funniest thing I have seen since Sylvester Stallone tried comedy in the movie Oscar.
September 13, 2009 9:24 PM



My second jokey post was created after some other commentor mentioned the Kansas State Fair in a random fashion.

Coder Emeritus said...
So, this is a story, all 'bout how
My life got flipped, turned upside down,
I'd like to tell you the story
Just sit right there
And I'll tell you how I became the rides manager of the Pennsylvania State Fair.

I went to law school, cuz I was told it pays,
But as a coder was how I spent most of my days.
Tagging things "priveleged" and "hot" and such.
And ordering Biggies from Potbelly's for lunch.
When an announcement came, the news wasn't good.
The case might settle, in fact, it probably would.
I got in one little layoff and my mom got scared.
She said "you'll help your auntie and uncle manage the Pennsylvania state fair."

I drove for hours in my Lexus, and when the fair came near,
I could no longer see the Philly skyline in my mirror,
I saw other Lexii in the lot, but thought it was rare,
After all, these were workers at the Pennsylvania state fair.

I had dinner with my auntie about 7 or 8,
then I said to her "Thanks. Good night, see ya later."
Looked at my kingdom, I might be happy there,
Managing the kiddie rides at the Pennsylvania state fair.
September 23, 2009 12:26 AM

Inspired by the Fresh Prince of Bel Air, I think this was a decent sequel to my can't handle to truth adaptation. At least one person liked it.

Anonymous said...
Nice Coder E!
September 23, 2009 3:29 AM


So, that ends my foray into court jesterhood. And I believe this entry will end my superfun misadventures in blog writing. Special thanks to the several people who commented on my earlier blog entries, especially to stateofbeasley. Hope you've found a satisfying alternative career.

As for coding, who knows if I'll ever get back to it. Hopefully, I'll find something more worthwhile to do. Fingers crossed.

The fourth quarter is upon us. It's time to break out the winter coats. Halloween is right around the corner, and it'll be Christmas before we know it.

As an early Christmas present, it would seem that the coding market is bouncing back a little bit. NYC and DC have started a mild coder recovery, and Philly is showing signs of life. Green shoots!!!

Best of luck to all the coders and former coders out there!

Sunday, August 30, 2009

Summer blast

I'm doing my part to keep the post office in business! When did postage go up to 44 cents?

It has been a while since I sent out resumes. Futile, I know, but important to do once in a while. Although it seems like a chore, I must admit that it gets addictive. You think you'll only send a couple, and then you wind up sending a dozen. Just one more! Maybe the next one will be the one! Almost feels like I'm a crack addict. Or, I guess more appropriately, a lottery addict.

In the past, I've felt that there was an unspoken agreement between the law firms and I. I won't take up their time sending them my resume and they won't crush my spirits with rejection. Alas, I decided to break our little understanding. True to form, the law firms have responded in kind. Like I said, at least I'm keeping the mail carriers busy with all the rejection letters they are delivering to my mailbox.

Now, with summer classes over, I've got nothing but time. Tweak my resume here and there. Tweak my cover letter a little bit. Gets addictive. But for a short while before the rejection arrives, you get a little high. Hope is in the air!

Of course, reality sets in when the rejections arrive. Honestly, I prefer rejection letters to non-responses. It's somewhat satisfying to know that my resume was at least acknowledged.

While the rejections are disappointing, some parts of the form letters can be fun. Some say I'm "outstanding." Others say I'm "impressive." Nice to know. Then there are somewhat more custom tailored letters. Some call me "interesting." Others, a "unique opportunity." Unique good or unique bad? Who knows? At least they read my cover letter though. (which I'll admit, is a tiny bit unique.)

I think I'll continue my resume blast for at least the next week. Though, my pool of possible recipients is dwindling. The hunt can be a little frustrating, but somewhat fun. The hardest part may very well be finding the law firms themselves. You know they exist. There must be at least a hundred in a two block radius from Morgan Lewis alone. All the skyscrapers contain countless law firms. Even the shorter buildings like 1515 Market. But I digress. Once you find a law firm, the real fun begins. Figuring out which attorney is most "like you" so that perhaps they might actually care about you. Most of the time, this bears no fruit. I happen to be of Asian descent, so sometimes I poke around to see if there are Asians in the mix. Without fail, the search comes up empty for mid-sized law firms. BigLaw might have a couple. I guess that's to be expected though. In absolute numbers, Asians are a small minority.

The next step, try to figure out which people went to my law school. Perhaps they'll care? This yields a bigger sample size. I went to an area law school, so that helps. Couple this with reading what type of litigation they do and expressing your interest in said type. Of course, you've got to be careful with this. Don't tell people you're interested in representing construction companies but then lack things to back that up. There has to be some connection, even if minor. Perhaps you took a class in environmental law and liked it and are interested in the environmental impact regulations of new constructions. These little tweaks make cover letters more time consuming, but I feel like it makes the jobhunt more fun. At least less monotonous.

Once Labor Day arrives, I'll put a hold on my resume blast. Where did this summer go? Seems just like yesterday, the sun was setting at around 9. Before you know it, it'll be Christmas-time and the sun will set at 5.

I've given some thought to returning to the "unique" world of coding. Right now, I'm still thinking "Thanks. But no." However, I certainly miss the insane bonuses (bonii?) which may or may not still exist. At the very least, I miss the paycheck. I've heard the temp market is slowly picking up steam. Philly to $33/hr?

Saturday, August 22, 2009

Trades

I have always advocated "hero" professions such as cop or firefighter. There are most certainly jobs that require a physical presence.

However, when it comes to the trades, I've sometimes hesitated. I've expressed this sentiment on a NYTimes article a few months back. There are two main reasons for this:

- not everyone is built for being a tradesman. We're not only talking about brute strength, but also fine motor skills. Some people lack manual dexterity and digital (finger) dexterity. Some people lack acute senses, or perception, or hand-eye coordination. People often cite physical limitations on why not everyone can be a cop, firefighter, or even astronaut. But physical limitations are rarely cited for being in other manual labor occupations.

- things are now being built to last longer. Take plumbers. Pipes are now being made of plastic composites instead of copper or whatever metals they used to be made of. This means less corrosion. Newer car engines need less servicing, making the mechanic a little less busy. In fact, I sometimes wonder whether more fire-resistant building materials and better fire-fighting systems (sprinklers n' such) will decrease the need for firefighters. Robots and computers aren't the only technology that are making working men and women obsolete. Though, short of robocops, I have yet to figure out a technology that will make cops obsolete.

Cash for Clunkers

As the summer ends, most of the nation's largest law firms (including some coders' favorite, Morgan Lewis) are deciding whether to make offers to their current summer associates and/or deciding whether they should have a summer program next year. It's turning out to be a bloodbath out there.

Summer associates are being no-offered or cold-offered left and right. The mighty (?) Morgan Lewis has scrapped it's summer associate program for next year. (this is old news from mid-July). Ballard Spahr followed the next week. Monkey see monkey do? McCarter & English followed suit recently.

Perhaps coders care. Perhaps they don't. Maybe some are even secretly happy that associates are sharing the pain. Perhaps openly happy.

Classes before '09 - layoffs
Class of '09 - deferrals, possible rescission of offers
Class of '10 - no-offers
Class of '11 - no summer recruiting

Even if coders care little about aspiring associates on a personal level, they might care that the attorney supply is even more crowded than before.

With all this in mind, should there be a federal govt program stepping in here? Let's do a "Cash for law degree clunkers." Trade in your law degree for a brand-spankin' new degree in something else. What would you get yours in? How would the program work?

First, let's define "clunker." For cars, it was a vehicle doing less than 18 miles an hour. So let's say a "clunker" law degree is one that failed to obtain a job for the holder. A job making 80k or more. After three years (the length of law school itself), if a person can't find a job as an attorney, he or she can trade in their degree. The govt will then offer to pay 15k in tuition towards a degree in the sciences or 25k towards a degree in engineering. (number arbitrarily made up by me). Or even into training as an airplane mechanic. (I have no clue how much this costs). Any profession where there is an undersupply of talent. The drawback is you'd be going back to school. You would also get a 2k living stipend a month for a max of two years.

Of course, it's easier to say we should all just get refunds, or loans wiped out. But that only solves a single problem. Cash for clunkers might've benefitted people who bought new cars, but it also benefitted the car companies themselves, and in theory benefits the nationwide populations because the new cars had better mileage, thus lowering demand for gas and possibly lowering gas prices, and also lowering emissions which would theoretically help the environment and public health. In a similar way, cash for law degree clunkers gives the unemployed attorney a new degree, but also helps other attorneys by decreasing the attorney pool, and helps society in filling out in-demand jobs.

The costs would probably be astronomical though. I'm not even going to try to do the math on this.

Saturday, August 8, 2009

The Recession

The Recession seems to be abating. Yay!(?) Not so fast.

The bar exam was about two weeks ago. Are newly minted J.D. holders optimistic about their chances of landing a job by the time their bar results come in this winter? Perhaps they'll find a job, but as a paralegal?

Weil Gotshal in Boston has famously (or infamously) posted a job for a paralegal. More surprisingly, this "great opportunity" was actually listed on law school simplicity databases.

http://abovethelaw.com/2009/07/cant_find_work_paralegal_for_weil.php

Reactions were mixed:

- The posting isn't such a problem. The fact that it was labeled "a great opportunity" is the part that is ridiculous.

- One year from now, don't be surprised if you see job postings for "custodial engineer" positions requiring a JD and an excellent academic record, law review preferred.

- People who get upset at this are ridiculous. It's a job posting. It's not great, but at least it's a job posting.

- So, people complain that career services doesn't do anything, people complain that career services posts sub-par jobs...tough crowd.

- Its not just a job posting.
It's a paralegal job posting.
It is a job posting that SHOULD be irrelevant to law school grads.
Just like it would be a joke if the employment office sent out job postings "specially" for law grads that advertised a great job logging in Alaska or as a plastic surgeon in Maine.
Those jobs SHOULD be irrelevant to would-be JDs.
All of those postings are a joke because they send the same message: we don't expect you to get hired as a LAWYER.


Oh wait, there's more. Do paralegals regularly engage in manual labor? From the job post: Involves some light lifting / moving of documents and document boxes - approx. 20lbs.

20 pounds isn't the end of the world. I'm sure some attorneys lug boxfuls of documents from time to time. Though, I don't recall it ever being mentioned even in run of the mill paralegal job descriptions. Depending on Weil's salary, there's a possibility the paralegal gig isn't a complete slap in the face.




Another fun job opportunity:
http://chicago.craigslist.org/chc/lgl/1306898898.html

Internship for recent law grad. $15/hr, 35 hours a week. Half-paralegal work

Newly minted JDs probably do not qualify for unemployment; but if they did, they would be better off financially on unemployment!! How ridiculous.



Of course, nobody is putting a gun to your head. As one commenter from the Weil Gotshal thread commented: "If you don't want the job, you don't have to apply for it, but there's no reason to get upset when a job posting is available."

An article from the New York Times that I found interesting:
http://www.nytimes.com/2009/07/25/us/25students.html?_r=1&ref=education
In Recession, Optimistic College Graduates Turn Down Jobs.

"Some praise that approach... most seniors were not compelled by mortgages or other expenses to grab just any position at whatever salary is offered. To do so could haunt them later when the economy improves..."



But... if you aren't as relaxed about the unemployment situation, you could always sue your alma mater, right?
http://www.cnn.com/2009/US/08/03/new.york.jobless.graduate/index.html




As for the Philly coding market, I haven't heard much big news. Stradley is still going strong. MLB has been erratic. Throughout the month of July, there have been people on and off. Perhaps August will be more stable. No news about Pepper or Dechert, though I would think Dechert in 2 Logan is done. Surprisingly, McCarter is still limping along??

Good luck to everyone!! Enjoy the rest of the summer. :)

Lawyers = no benefit to society?

Lately, I've been in the library a whole lot more than I'd like to be. It's been years, but I had to do research for a paper.

As a random tangent in a conversation, the librarian asked me what my educational background was. For some reason, she thought I was a nurse. I told her I graduated from law school a few years ago. She then guessed that my undergrad major was English (which is also wrong). She told me I should be a doctor. Then she said "or a pharmacist. Pharmacists help people." After a short discussion about why I thought it would probably take too long for me to do either of those, she said "You should be either a doctor or a pharmacist. You should be a benefit to society." Subtlely implying that lawyers are of no benefit to society. I actually laughed a little. I can't recall the last time that someone who knew I was an attorney didn't say something positive about it. Of course, there are people who make lawyer jokes, but never anything serious.

Thursday, July 23, 2009

The Law is All Around Us

Several Months ago, I decided to take science classes. It was a multi-purpose decision. The biggest reason was probably to have something to occupy myself with as the job market collapsed into nothingness. I started pre-req classes this summer. The funny thing is, when I told my friends I had a weak science background, they were like "but science is all around us." It's one of those typical things people say, like "biology is all around us," or physics, or math.

But after a few months, it's ironic that I have discovered that law is all around us. Invariably, every time people find out I'm a lawyer, they will bring up current situations in which they are dealing with an attorney. I guess the most predictable is the professor dealing with patent issues. But there are so many other random things as well. Contracts issues, liability, employment. Perhaps it shouldn't surprise me, but it did. The bright side is that there seems to be a pretty decent demand for legal services. Of course, the sad caveat is that the supply of attorneys still overshadows that demand.

If it is of any consolation to the out-of-work coders out there, even recently minted Master of Science graduates are having a tough time in the job market out there.